she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
