Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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