Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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