in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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