I'm drive I can fine osifer
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
