So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
