I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
