mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
