So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
