I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You made out with two different species that night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
