I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
