I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
