So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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