Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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