Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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