i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drake has all the answers
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
