Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
