So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
