Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
