1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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