You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had sex on a dog bed..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
