I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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