umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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