what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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