it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
