And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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