you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
