I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
