Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
