And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
