Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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