Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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