She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she peed on how many people?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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