Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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