I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
