I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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