she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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