i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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