i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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