My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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