McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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