All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
