this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
