i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
