We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
