I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How's work?
Spinning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
