I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
