i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
