i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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