We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
