I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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