I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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