new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
